Using simple techniques Moms can learn how easily they can whisper relaxing phrases to their babies during pregnancy, delivery, and post-partum. Dr. Linda Miles, inspires and instructs Moms, using a practical, proven effective method, which calms both the child and Mom, while building a stronger emotional and physical bond between the two. And Dads can join in, too.

When Moms are anxious, babies feel that anxiety. Research has shown that a stressed Mom creates a stressed baby, causing the fetus’ heart to beat faster. When levels of stress hormones are too high for extended periods of time, both Mom and the baby’s mental and physical health suffer.

In 1973 Dr. Miles used natural childbirth with her son, Christopher Brett. She found Lamaze helpful, but after that pregnancy she wanted an even more stress free birth. She wanted less stress for both her and her child. Quickly, she realized the tremendous benefit listening with headphones to individually recorded, soothing music with a familiar voice would have. Here was a simple way to remind her to relax. When she was a bundle of nerves, there was an easy comfort with just the flip of a switch. Then, she could share, gently whispering, what she heard with her baby. To her surprise the relaxation practice brought deep calm not only to her, but to baby Brett, too.

With her initial personal success as a Mommy Whisperer, Dr. Miles studied and has used these relaxation techniques successfully for over 30 years with her clients and friends. After the stress of the pregnancy with her first child, a client of Dr. Miles used the Mommy Whisperer technique for her second child with entirely different results. She was calm throughout the experience, with less stress on her. Therefore, there was less stress on her child. She had a peaceful pregnancy and delivery. Because Mommy Whisperer’s reduce stress on themselves and their child, they can enhance the mother-child bond after the baby is born.

Using simple relaxation strategies, parents actually affect the physical structure of the baby’s developing brain. The patterns we learn, affect how we cope with stress and with life.

While soothing her baby, Mom is actually teaching her child to self-soothe. When you soothe your baby with whispers, they may develop a pattern of self-soothing that works under stress. And the opposite happens too. If Mom or anyone is loud and reactive under stress, the child develops that pattern and responds that way to stress. The brain loves the familiar, so how we train our children, becomes their coping strategy. So, whisper to your child, “I am so happy you are here.” “I love you so much.” “You are so beautiful.” “Everything is okay.” This gives them safety to learn and explore.

Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D

Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a Doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has
worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and on CD, Train Your Brain: For a Peaceful Pregnancy & Delivery. http://www.drlindamiles.com

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This is it - the finish line. You and your partner have been training for this event for the last 40 weeks and there is no turning back. Hopefully, you have registered in a prenatal class (aka childbirth education class) to help prepare you for labor and delivery. And if you haven’t already registered, then you should as soon as possible since spaces always fill up early. Very few couples, who are of sane mind, decide to face the delivery room without any preparatory training.

That said, this article is not intended to be your sole resource on childbirth education; rather, it is only a simplified version of what you can expect. You may use this article as part of your pre-prenatal education program or as part of your post-prenatal review. However you choose to use this article is entirely up to you, provided that you do not use it as your only information source.

Labor, like pregnancy, is divided into three parts: stage one, two and three. Stage one is further divided into three phases: early labor, active labor and the transition period. Don’t worry if this doesn’t make any sense to you now or if you find it slightly boring, since everything will become clearer after you read this article and take your prenatal classes. That said, you should be forewarned that childbirth education is a complicated topic.

After all, it is about childbirth and the labor process is laborious for both you and your partner. To make matters worse, the entire labor process is long, lasting an average 12-20 hours. Really. While the average length is about 15 hours for the first pregnancy, labor actually gets shorter with each subsequent pregnancy. Whatever you do, do not use this little piece of information as a way to console your partner while she is in her 18th hour of labor - she will be in incredible pain and is not in the mood to discuss future pregnancy plans. Enough said.

Now, let’s try to decode the stages of labor.

Stage One

Early Labor - At Home (Phase I): This is the longest part of labor, lasting anywhere from a few hours to a few days. This phase will begin by regular contractions (which are different from the Braxton-Hicks contractions your partner may have been experiencing irregularly over the last several weeks as her body began preparing for labor and delivery). These contractions are the real-deal and will intensify as your partner’s cervix begins to dilate. However, the contractions will be manageable and it is not necessary to go to the hospital yet. Your partner may also experience a small amount of spotting (i.e., blood).

Once this phase has begun, your partner should not eat anything unless her doctor specifically says it is okay (Note: Drinking water is highly recommended throughout all stages of labor). You, however, should eat and drink as necessary. Remember, you will need the energy to help coach your gal through all of this.

Your role during this phase is simply to help keep your partner comfortable and relaxed. Go for a walk, watch television or take a nap.

Active Labor (Phase II): This phase is generally shorter (about 3-4 hours), but more intense than the first phase. The cervix continues to dilate, bloody spotting increases and the infamous “water” will break. This is the time to call your doctor and head to the hospital. Still, there is no need to panic. Despite all the cliche scenarios depicted on television and in movies, childbirth is a slow process.

Reassure your partner that you are there to help her and that you are willing to do anything she wants. This may mean massaging her, feeding her ice chips or just leaving her alone.

Transition Period - At the Hospital (Phase III): This phase lasts a few hours and is characterized by intense pain as your partner’s cervix becomes fully dilated. If your gal is going to ask for pain medication during labor, this will be the time. She’ll be tired, sweaty and exhausted. Despite the desire to begin pushing, your partner will be ordered to resist, which will only make her more irritable. Your job is to encourage her to breath, relax and not push. She will only prolong the birthing process and cause undue strain on her body if she begins pushing too early.

Your partner will need a lot of support and, given the incredible pain, will not likely be nice or polite. Thicken your skin and be a man. Don’t argue with her, don’t try to reason with her and don’t get upset if she swears at you. Just suck it up and continue to coach her through the labor process.

Stage Two

If you thought that the transition period was bad, wait until you get to stage two. The pain intensifies and the amount of blood increases. Fortunately, this is the shortest stage of labor and the most rewarding. Your partner will be given the green light to begin pushing. Listen to the doctors and don’t interfere with this process. Just continue to support your gal with words of encouragement and within about two hours, your baby will be delivered!

Stage Three

The contractions continue for another 30 minutes as your partner’s uterus tries to expel the placenta. Both your partner and yourself will be exhilarated as the reality of what just happened hits you. After 40 weeks and many hours of labor, YOU ARE NOW PARENTS. Congrats!

So, if there are any lessons to be learned here, it would be these three:

1. Know your stuff and be prepared for labor. This means enrolling in childbirth education classes and preparing a birthing plan.

2. There is no rush to get to the hospital. If possible, try to relax and rest in the comfort of your own home during the early labor phase of stage one. The remaining phases and stages will be at the hospital and will be intense.

3. Expect a lot of blood and other bodily fluids, including poop (honestly!). Take a deep breath and go with it.

If you are an expectant father, make sure to visit www.thefunkystork.com for more male-oriented articles on pregnancy.

Owner and creator of http://www.thefunkystork.com - the only online guide for modern expectant fathers.

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Do you like to drive? Whenever you get into the driver’s seat, you are in control. Your hands are on the steering wheel. You determine the direction of the vehicle. You step on the accelerator, and drive faster. Or you can step on the breaks, and stop. The choice is up to you.

Have you ever sat in the passenger seat, and felt helpless as the driver took you on a bumpy ride? Perhaps they drive too fast or slow, weren’t courteous to the other drivers, or put you in a dangerous position. All you could do is sit there and pray for the ride to be over.

Your birth choice- either natural or “under the influence” puts you in the driver’s seat or passenger seat. Where do you like to sit?

I like to be in the driver’s seat. I turn the key, and start the engine. As I drive, my purpose and direction are clear. I know where I’m going and am determined to get there. If I encounter roadblocks, obstacles or detours, I’ll get back on track. I will be flexible, and adjust my approach. Whatever happens, I’ll keep going until I reach my destination. Inside me is everything I need to accomplish my goal.

As I’m driving down the road, my water breaks, marking the onset of labor. I am on the racetrack now. Physical sensations grow stronger and stronger. It is “pain with a purpose.” I am not afraid. If I grow it, I can birth it! I breathe in all that is wise and wonderful. I push with all my strength and courage. I do what my body intuitively tells me to do. I will speed up, slow down, pause or keep going. But my eye is on the finish line.

Of course, there is an alternative to being in the driver’s seat. An epidural would make me numb from the waist down. That way, I wouldn’t be able to drive. I wouldn’t be able to feel the pedals and push them. I’d be “under the influence.” Someone else would have to take the wheel. Relinquishing control might cause me to feel trapped or frustrated. That’s why I want to be an active participant in the birth process. I’m in control of my vehicle, not other people or circumstances. I feel good about that.

Behind the wheel, I am squarely in control. Feelings of power, determination and happiness flow through me. I am at peace. I feel terrific about myself. As the baby’s head crowns, I cross the finish line. I am a champion! Yes, I won the race. My prize is a beautiful, healthy baby to love and bond with. Now that I’ve captured the trophy, I will never be the same again. I am no longer an ordinary driver. I’ve gone on an incredible journey, kept my wits, and won the grand prize. I am an extraordinary person. I am a mother, with a little passenger in the back seat. Baby, we’re going to fasten our seatbelts for the ride of our lives. Look out world, here we come!

Nicky VanValkenburgh gave birth to two children with the help of midwives. During labor, she practiced relaxation techniques to stay calm. To learn more, check out her website at http://www.20minutestolessstress.com/

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