Being an at home parent may be the best job you’ll ever get, but it’s HARD. You’re on call 24/7, and when you go on vacation, you still have the same responsibilities. And if you have a home business or work at home job, life can be even more challenging.

The first step to coping with burnout is preventing it in the first place. Don’t overfill your schedule with activities for the kids or yourself. Take a little time for yourself every day. You don’t need to be alone, but you do need to relax a little. Whether this may be during the kids’ naps or when they’re in school, even taking just a few minutes for you can really help. Then you can take advantage of the time to get things done with a clear head.

Make sure your expectations and those of your family are realistic. If you’re running a home business or have a work at home job, you can’t be expected to keep as perfect a house as a mother who does not. Pick a day to do the laundry, the vacuuming and other housework that doesn’t need to be done on a daily basis and leave it until then unless the urgent need arises, of course.

When you get angry, don’t consider yourself an imperfect or bad parent. We all get angry sometimes. What is more important is how you react to the anger.

Make sure you get enough sleep. The more tired you are, the more stress you are going to feel, and the harder it will be to cope with it. If necessary, take a nap at the same time as the kids do, so they’re not getting into trouble for lack of supervision.

Plan fun activities once in a while to relieve stress. Depending on your needs and the needs of your family, this can be alone or with the entire family. Go to the beach, a park, zoo, mall, wherever it is you can relax and just have fun.

Consider planning or even cooking meals and snacks in advance. It’s easy to give your children healthy snacks if you have sliced vegetables and/or fruits ready to go in the fridge. A few minutes’ work early in the week can save you time. Meals may also be prepared in advance and frozen for those nights when you’re simply too tired to cook. Plan your meals for leftovers that will freeze well, and say goodbye to expensive frozen dinners from the grocery store.

If writing out your schedule helps you, then keep a written schedule. If it makes you feel overwhelmed, then don’t. Just because your best friend says it keeps her on schedule to have a calendar with everything she needs to do on it doesn’t mean the same will work for you.

Finally, don’t let other parents make you feel you owe them favors just because you’re at home and “have time.” You’re doing a full time job taking care of your family, not just loafing. Your schedule may be just as full as theirs, if not more so.

Stephanie Foster is the owner of http://www.homewiththekids.com/ and knows how hard it can be to be a stay at home parent. For more family and parenting tips for stay at home parents, visit http://www.homewiththekids.com/family/.

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One of the cornerstones of a happy and harmonious family is its ability to successfully make good decisions that impact the group. More important than that, it is critical to get all family members to buy into the decisions once they are made. Whether you are deciding on your next outing, what time your son needs to have his homework done, or when your daughter needs to be home from a date the decision process is critical.

No matter how you think your family works, kids and adults both care about the decision making process. In order for there to be buy-in, peace and support in your family the decision process must ultimately be perceived as fair.

Fairness is obviously a matter of who is making the determination, and so there are no set rules. But over the years I have found that decisions that are perceived as fair have some common traits.

First everyone impacted by the decision must believe they have had a real opportunity to contribute to the decision. Many fights and struggles in families start because a decision was made without one of the members playing. How many times do you hear “I can not believe you did that and didn’t even ask me” If it happens a lot you need to check your process. It is probably doomed from the start.

Next all sides must feel the decision maker really listened to their input and considered their point of view prior to making the decision. This is particularly true when teens are involved. Never forget they are in the stage where you more than likely regularly tell them to “act their age” and “grow up”. If this is your message, then it is critical for you to listen to them as you would any other adult that had input to the decision process.

More then listening, all members of the family must believe they had a genuine chance to influence the decision. If your family is at the point where certain decisions are made by the children this is very important to stress. Kids need to understand that along with the ability to make decisions for themselves and others comes the responsibility to listen openly and weigh input. If you have modeled this behavior all along it will come naturally, so watch your actions with young kids and act consistently.

And finally, whatever the decision is everyone must understand the reason for the final choice. Early on in the process it is important to let everyone know if there is a pecking order to input. Especially with young children you want to listen but do not forget your role as parent. If the final decision comes down to “because I said so” deliver the message firmly but in a way that lets them know you at least listened. Help them understand why their position did not prevail.

One process you might want to try looks something like this:

1. Clearly define and communicate how the decision will be made and by who.

2. Next maintain an open mind set if the decision is truly open for discussion.

3. Actively listen to all parties involved. Encourage everyone to ask questions for clarification. Regularly provide feedback to test for understanding. Above all, everyone needs to show respect for differing points of view, don’t interrupt.

4. Once it is made, explain the decision and how you evaluated the information and made the choice.

5. Explain how everyone’s input was used. Clearly show how each family member contributed to the process, even if they didn’t prevail.

6. Last, openly and honestly recognize family members for all contributions (positive and negative) so they will want to participate in future decisions.

Obviously this is not the only process. Experiment, make your own. Just be sure to include each of the elements. If you do your decisions won’t be any easier but at least everyone in the family will understand them and believe they were treated fairly.

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Steve Farmer is a leader in the field of Coaching. As a skilled professional coach, inspirational speaker and author he brings the power of individual coaching to everyday living. Steve empowers individuals to follow their dreams, achieve more in their current careers, and maintain a balance between their personal and professional lives.

A busy entrepreneur himself, Steve understands the many demands and challenges facing today’s busy families. He also knows that amidst the chaos, people sometimes need support in maintaining both their sanity and a balanced life. With his innate listening and problem-solving gifts, Steve helps individuals find solutions to their difficult problems. Whether through one-on-one coaching, workshops, courses or keynote addresses, he helps people to better develop their personal talents and skills so that their journey to success and happiness is easier, more rewarding and less frustrating.
Learn more about Steve at his website http://www.innovations4life.com

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“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” - Winston Churchill

If anyone had told me two years ago that I would write a book, I would have told them they were insane. I didn’t think I knew how to write a book! A whole book? Are you crazy?

And yet…gradually…from listening to the encouraging voices around me, and the passion within me, I realized I could at least try to write a book. I could at least try to get it published. And I would not have been able to muster up the courage, believe me, if I had listened to the nay-sayers. When one acquaintance heard of this endeavor, she remarked “and what makes you qualified to write a book?”. If I had listened to the nay-sayers, people who are often too wrapped up in their own fears to break free of them, I would have slipped back into my own uncertainties, and very likely given up when challenges appeared.

Consider these tips to help you avoid the nay-sayers and stay connected with positive energy as you march towards the pursuit of a dream:

Discover your internal support and stay tuned into it. Whether it’s writing in a journal, doing yoga, walking or jogging in nature, meditating or praying, or something else, discover what gives you internal strength. Stay regularly tuned into that source.
Trust your instincts when others aren’t supportive. It’s likely that some people in your life will not be able to appreciate your courage. Minimize your precious time with those who don’t support you.

Protect yourself from chronic pessimists. Some people are just stuck in their own negativity. It’s nothing personal against you. But they will sap your energy if you let them.

Surround yourself with those who lift you up. Actively create a support system. Invite an encouraging friend out to lunch or out to talk after the kids are in bed. Email or call supportive friends who live elsewhere. Positive energy is really infectious and is often just we need to keep moving forward.

Avoid the nay-sayers, seek out the “You-Go-Girl!” people in your life and keep connected with your internal strength. You will likely enjoy a much smoother path as you take baby steps towards bigger goals.

© 2006 by Bria Simpson
All rights and media reserved.

Bria Simpson, MA
Life Coach and Parenting Specialist
Author, The Balanced Mom Raising Your Kids Without Losing Yourself

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