Like most parents, I try to do everything to get my children ready for school each year: Register them, pay fees, buy school supplies and new clothes, check out their new classroom, and talk with them about how much fun the upcoming school year will be. It seems like we should be all set - except for my usual worries about how good of a “homework coach” I will be during the year, trying to help my children be successful in school and enjoy life-long learning.

As parents, we often approach our children’s school performance and school success with anxiety and tension. We want our children to succeed so they feel happy about their accomplishments and have better opportunities in the future. But we also have the nagging feeling that if our child doesn’t do well in school, it will reflect poorly on us as parents. We feel pressured to make sure they DO succeed. Often, with the best of intentions, we end up using exactly the wrong strategies:

Nagging and Lecturing

Parents usually don’t start nagging children about homework and study habits until there is a problem (e.g., being sloppy with homework, or not wanting to do homework at all). Nagging only makes the problem worse because your child will either get angry at you or tune you out. Instead, try to problem-solve together with your child. Ask them to come up with several ideas on their own for how to improve this situation. Brainstorm about how to make homework more fun. Try out at least one of their ideas and discuss how it worked.

Taking Over

You don’t trust your child to get things done right, so you tell them what to do, when and how. This may work in the short run but doesn’t teach children to become independent learners who take responsibility for their work. Instead of taking over, help your child figure out what they need to do by asking questions: “What will you do? When will you do it? How will I know? How do you want me to hold you accountable for this?”

Focusing on the Future Benefits of School

As parents, we know how important a good education will be later in life. Just don’t expect your children to be motivated by this idea; they are more focused on the here and now and give little thought to the future. To motivate them, focus on the immediate benefits of learning (having fun, developing new skills, and ability to play team sports in school if grades are good.)

Leaving Homework for the End of the Day

If homework is scheduled too late in the evening, with only bedtime to follow and no time to play, children won’t be motivated to be efficient, and also won’t want to go to bed since they haven’t had any fun yet. Increase your children’s motivation to complete homework by giving them something to look forward to afterwards. Favorite TV shows, videogames, talking on the phone, or having a special snack are all great rewards after homework is completed, and may provide the extra incentive your child needs to get through a boring and tedious task.

Insisting on Long Study Sessions

“You will sit here until all your homework is done” - this can feel overwhelming to children and create resistance, resulting in conflict. Instead, schedule 10-15 minutes of study time, followed by a 5-min. break, then another 15 minutes of study. Repeat as often as necessary to complete homework. Children actually get more done that way.

Grounding Children for Missed Assignments and Poor Grades

This is not effective for helping them do better in the future. Instead, use problem solving (”What would help you do better next time?”), offer support, and give them incentives for good performance (extra privileges, special rewards).

Not Communicating With Teachers

This means two-way communication: Let the teacher know early on how they can best support your child’s learning (how does your child learn best?) -then ask the teacher periodically, “What’s the best thing I can do to help my child with this subject at home?” Don’t wait until parent-teacher conferences to find out how your child is doing, or what kinds of problems need to be corrected.

Overfocusing on Grades and Test Scores

When children get the message that grades are all that counts, they quickly lose interest in the process of discovery and learning, and instead focus only on the outcome. If they can’t achieve the expected grade or score, they end up feeling bad which usually does not increase their motivation to do better. Children also need to hear from us that success comes in many forms. Some students will excel in sports, drama, music, or art; some develop excellent leadership skills, good citizenship, become peer mediators, or relate well to animals. Whatever your child’s strengths are, be sure you focus on those talents more than you focus on their grades.

Sticking Only to the Curriculum

As long as children learn what’s expected of them in school, that’s good enough, right? Chances are that this year’s school curriculum doesn’t exactly match his or her own interests and curiosity (maybe they are into whales and sharks, space travel, jungle life, airplanes, etc). Encourage children’s natural love for learning by asking, “If you could learn about anything you wanted to, what would you like to learn?” - then provide them with books, videos, trips to museums, and (most importantly) adult conversations about those topics.

Not Modeling Life-Long Learning

Do your children see you interested and enthusiastic about learning, studying, and achieving? Do you read books at home? Go to museums? Look things up? Talk about new ideas? Remember that our children are always watching what we are doing.

Dr. Karin Suesser, PhD, is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin (http://www.dollandassociates.com). She provides therapy and assessment for children (ages 1-18) and their families, as well as for adults and couples. She specializes in helping individuals find effective solutions to emotional, behavioral, or life transition concerns. Her areas of expertise include anxiety issues, ADHD, aggressive and disruptive behaviors, depression, trauma and abuse issues, academic/career concerns, parenting issues, relationship and sexual issues. She also provides professional coaching to individuals to help them achieve their goals, enhance their performance, and live a more deeply meaningful life.

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As a parent it is important that we understand what potential problems our child has. Most children have certain things that they worry about or even fear. In this article, I write about the types of fears that this might be and about how we can help our children to cope and to get through life in the best possible and stress-free way.

Many children are able to pick up on what their parents are worrying about. They may hear arguments about money and can then start to worry themselves about the financial situation their family may be in. I am a parent myself and try where possible to only discuss serious issues with my partner when the children are out or are asleep. If I believe that one of my children has overheard a conversation which I would have rather they hadn’t, I then talk to them to attempt to reassure them that everything is OK.

Children may also worry that their parents may break up and that they will end up living apart. They will no doubt hear that this has happened to their friends and may wonder and stress about how their lives would change if this happened to them.

My children have told me that they worry and that they fear that one of their parents may die in the near future. It is quite difficult to explain to them that this is unlikely to happen as it obviously could. I try and laugh it off which may not be the best policy, by stating that I am still very young and that I have no plans to leave this planet in the near future. I explain to them the age that the average male will live to in our country and that normally, I hope, makes them feel better.

School can be another area of stress for some children. Will they be able to cope and understand the work? Will they be able to obtain a good examination mark and a good report? Will they be able to make their parents proud of them? I have told my own children not to worry about these issues and to just try their best.

Socialising and meeting friends can also bring its own tensions. Children make and break friends at regular intervals, especially during the early teenage years. When friends fall out this can be a very stressful time for any child. When this happens to my children, I make a point of saying that it has been the fourth time in a month that you and Amy as an example, have had a falling out. Your sure to make friends again in the near future.

As children get a bit older there is then the challenge of meeting a member of the opposite sex. We all know the problems and strains that this can bring. At this time I think it is just a matter of being there for your children and getting them through these difficult years the best and easiest way possible.

Stephen Hill helps to promote a number of websites including:

stuttering treatment

speed reading techniques

aviation cleaning products

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Are you the parent of a child who is often depressed? Are you a child who often feels down in the dumps and depressed? This article offers advice for both parents, other family members and children about how to deal with, reduce and even eradicate this depression.

I remember from my own childhood having many periods when I was very unhappy and sad. I was the type of person who would let aspects from my life get on top of me which would at times affect my sleep patterns. I found growing up through childhood, into a teenager and ultimately into my adulthood as one big choir and struggle. I was forever comparing my own life to that of my brother, sister and friends. Their lives seemed so much easier than what mine was and this made me feel quite jealous of them.

Looking back one of my faults was that I was not willing to discuss my worries and fears with my parents and basically kept them bottled up inside of me. This meant of course that I had to deal with each and every issue (problem) on my own without any outside help or advice. I wish that I had been more open with my family as I think my life would have been that much happier if I had.

I am now a parent of two children myself and am always looking out for them. I try and gage how they are coping with life and if I feel that they are in an unhappy period or mood, I then attempt to find out what is causing this by trying to talk to them. They are not always happy to discuss these issues but I then make sure that they understand that I will be here for them when they are ready to open up. I talk to them about my own childhood and about the mistakes I feel that I made by keeping my own worries to myself.

I want my children to realise that they can talk to me about any aspect of their life and that I will be here to help and not judge them. Life in general, with school as an example, can at times be quite tough, with things such as bullying affecting a lot of children. There is the added pressure of examinations and also trying to establish ones self within a group of friends. Moving schools and going through all of the bodily changes can also be quite uncomfortable for many children.

As a family we try to make our childrens home life as enjoyable and relaxed as possible. This includes many family days out and where financially possible, a family holiday abroad in the summer.

My advice to any parent who has an unhappy or often depressed child would be to be very patient with them through these periods. I, as I have already stated would try and get them to talk about what is making them feel in this way and if they do not want to talk, would let them know that I am there for them if they do ever want a chat etc.

My advice for a child who is feeling depressed would be to talk to your family, a friend or a teacher. They say that a problem shared is a problem halved and I really believe in this statement. You do not have to be alone in this world and the advice that you are given could be of huge benefit to you. Despite what you might think all children have problems and worry about many different aspects of their own life. Your parents were of course children many moons ago and may have experience in the issues which you are not happy about. Do not make the same mistakes that I did by keeping these problems to yourself as it does not help to reduce your fears or depression.

Stephen Hill helps to promote a number of websites including:

stuttering information

aviation products

anti aging advice

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